May 2010

I remember being extremely tired for no reason, other then working out but this tiredness was different. I was curious.. and I hadn't gotten my period for four days (late) So out of curiousness I bought pregnancy tests. I wasn't going to use them until the following week. I thought the missed period was due to a HUGE amount of stress and working out. I rented a movie and pop, chips, I was going to relax and have a gayle night. Cory was gone (don't member where) I couldn't help it the pregnancy tests called out to me.

So i peed on one, as a joke. I did dishes and forgot all about it till SHIT!!! oh ya.. I literally poke my head into the bathroom like I was trying to spy on someone. I saw the test and started to laugh not believing it. I was so confused!!! There were two lines!!!! what no can't be.. can't be.. not right now.. not now.. I am not ready!!! SO I immediately, immediately called my sister Corinne, I can't remember the next words out of my mouth. But I jumped into my car, drove to her. She gave me one of hers to pee on and sure enough, the little baby was growing!!!

My first instinct was that I was so scared.. SO SCARED!!! I had made up my mind to leave my husband, we didn't need to add to the drama. Nobody knew I had already decided my choice about my marriage. I was happy because wow, it happened to me. Someone picked me to be there mommy.

I had a lot on my mind, and was already trying to get the courage to end my marriage. This little innocent cell growing inside me everyday. I waited to tell Cory, but ended up telling him over the phone, he was gone somewhere(prolly shooting out of town, gone for the weekend) and I couldn't wait any longer. Then the news spread like wildfire. Everyone excited for us, congratulating us. Them, nor Cory knowing what I was feeling or had decided about our marriage.

Then the shit hit the fan literally!!! Stuff happened ( this I will not say because it's not just my feelings here to be considered ) Cory and I separated, I was staying with family, scared and SO confused about this little baby. Sometimes I think I would have done things differently, but then she kicks me or starts hiccuping and I laugh saying " We both know Avery that you were meant to be here"

Through all this stress I was having trouble at work focusing, let alone BAM another shocker A HUGE car accident, which ended up totalling my RAV, which took me off work for a month. Still baby hanging in there.

With all the stress and complications with my life, Avery held on through it all. She stayed strong inside me. Which gave me hope that being a single mom, would be ok. That her and I are strong. ( knowing Cory would still be a big part of her life)

Things have settled down emotionally, physically and my life is starting to find it's part again. It seems every time I doubt myself Avery kicks a little to say she's there.

I do not know what would have happened had those tests been wrong. I do not know what would have happened if she wouldn't have made it through that car accident. All I know is she is strong, and that I am blessed to have her growing inside me. That she picked me ( or biology) to guide her through life's troubles.